Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
