How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
