Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
