So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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