Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
