I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize