Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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