Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize