Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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