I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize