for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize