end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everclear isn't food dammit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
