Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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