You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
