playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
