I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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