There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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