me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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