Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
