The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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