Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
