you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
