If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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