You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
