yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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