well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
