Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
