smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
