Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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