The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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