Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
