I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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