I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
