she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
