I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
