saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
