I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
