I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
