Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
