first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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