I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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