i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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