quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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