what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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