oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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