peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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