I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
