your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
These tits shall not be calmed
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