I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
