Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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