Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
