I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
