it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
