I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
