Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
