My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
