my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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