Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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