I'm going to jail i love you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
