is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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