I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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