So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
