there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
