I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
