I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
