she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
