that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
