I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
