i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
