wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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