What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize