There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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