96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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