Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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