Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do herpes really smell.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
