i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
