Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize