Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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