oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
