As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize