the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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