Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
