he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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