I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to calm my uterus...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
