If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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