good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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