Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
