I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
