dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
