During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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