so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
