yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
