wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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