Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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